I Was There
by Nicholas Tanski
Summary: I just want you to know that I am always here for you, Fox. Always. James speaks to Fox after all is said and done.


I Was There

By

Nicholas Tanski

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Hi, all. I noticed I haven't posted a story here since October and decided to finally flesh-out a story idea I've had for a while now. It's going to be another one-shot. I have an idea for a full-length story that I'm really excited about but I'm nervous about starting it as I'm rather busy at the moment and am afraid I won't be able to find much time to update it. Well, we'll see how it goes. Anyway, on with the story.

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I don't really know how to begin this. I was never really good at these kinds of things. There are just some things I'd like to tell you. Things that you need to know.

First of all, I really want you to know how proud of you I am. Just…for everything. For getting on with your life. For making it through all of those hard nights you spent wondering why you should keep going. I know it hurt. I know it hurt a lot. And I'm sorry for that. I let you down. I know; I shouldn't think I did because I didn't want me to die either but I still let you down. I let you down when you needed me the most. I will never be able to fully express how sorry I am for that. Though I'm sure it didn't always feel like it, I was always there with you. I was right next to you on all of those nights you faced alone. I was there when you would cry so much, you didn't have any tears left. I was there when you broke the frame with my picture in it, so angry that I would leave you. I saw the look of confusion on your face the next day when the broken glass was no longer on the ground. It was the least I could do.

I was there when you would lock yourself in your bedroom, pushing away any attempt at helping you. Believe me, I wanted nothing more than to take you in my arms and let you know I was there for you. To put my hand on your shoulder and tell you how much I loved you and would protect you from whatever made you hurt on the inside. But I couldn't. You would have to get through this one on your own. It pained me so much to see what you were going through and not be able to do a single thing about it. I was there when couldn't even get out of bed in the morning. I was there when your friends would pound on the door, trying to get you out in some way only to be greeted with silence. I was also there on that day in February. That day you held a gun to your head.

I tried everything I could. I screamed, I yelled, I cried out your name, I tried to get close to you but it felt like there was an invisible wall around you; I couldn't get close enough to do anything. I fought as hard as I could, but all I could do was stand there and watch as every single look of desperation and despair flashed across your face. Whether my shouting got through or not, I couldn't even put to words how relieved I was when the weapon dropped from your grasp and landed with a loud thud on the floor. Finally able to get closer, I tried to embrace you but forgot my current situation. I didn't even touch you. I could just watch as you collapsed onto your bed in tears, your sobs filled with a weak desperation. Even though it was hard to see you going through such anguish, I didn't back down once. You needed me, in every sense of the word. I stayed next to you until your breathing evened out and you fell asleep. I sat by your side the entire night, watching you sleep. After everything I have gone through (including my own death) that is still the most scared I have ever been in my life. Thinking that you were so deeply depressed that you were willing to end your life to escape your suffering. That scared me more than anything I could think of.

I stayed right by your side every single second. I was there the first time you stepped outside. I was there the first time you went out with your friends. I was there the first time you got in your arwing. I saw the tears in your eyes when you found the note that I had accidentally left inside. It was just a scribbled note I made to myself, but I'm sure it was the last thing you wanted to see at that moment. I have never stopped kicking myself for forgetting that note. As if I needed to cause you more pain. I was there when you gathered around the monitors at the base to watch the news of Andross' declaration of war run through the media. That fucking bastard. I saw your blood boil as the news reporter repeated the declaration "for those just tuning in".

It was almost as if I wasn't angry at Andross for having me killed or declaring war on my homeland – I was mad at him for making you have to hear his name one more time. I just wanted to put up some kind of force field around you to keep you from anything that would remind you of my death. You had just started to live your life again. I was there when you sat in that empty classroom, trying to decide if the idea in your head was crazy or not. I knew what you were planning. I was there when you called your friends together and confirmed my suspicions. You weren't going to shy away from this incredible threat and run because you were down. You were going to go straight for it and stop that son of a bitch from hurting one more soul. That's my boy. I was there when you left the academy. I was as proud of you as I was the day you were accepted.

I was there for every battle, every shot fired, every smart bomb detonated. I couldn't have been more proud of you. I wanted to shout from the highest mountain in the world: that was my son.

My son.

I was with you every second. As much as I wished I could be along side of you, I knew you could handle anything that was thrown at you. And you did. You never quit; never gave up. You kept going and picked yourself up after every single fall.

I was there that night in August, when you were in space near Aquas. You were looking forlornly at my picture and into space. That pang of guilt from February of the previous year returned and I put my hand on your shoulder. You shuddered and looked behind you. After looking around thoroughly you, looking confused, returned your gaze to space. It took me a moment to realize what had happened.

You had felt me. You actually felt my hand on your shoulder. That was the greatest gift I have ever received. To be able to at least hint to you that I'm still here for you. Though you still looked kind of confused, I think you understood what had happened. You smiled, put the picture back on your desk, and went to sleep. You had a quiet confidence the next day; as if you knew something that changed the way you looked at things. I am forever grateful I was able to give that one thing to you.

I was there when you decided to take Andross alone. I was there for the whole battle. I was right along side of you, trying my best to do away with the bastard as much as you were. I wanted to make sure he knew not to mess with either of us, or our home. It looked like it the end; like we had won. And then it happened…

He had a plan. One I should have seen coming. He was going to take you out with him. When I saw those flames coming towards your ship the only thing I could think of was getting you to safety. There was no other thought in my mind. I remembered the maze of corridors that lead to Andross' layer, and knew there was little chance of you actually making it out of there on your own. The indescribable feeling of pain and regret that mounted in me became stronger and stronger until I could feel nothing but a pure sense of purpose, as if it was now my job to protect you. Not even thinking, I told you to follow me; I needed to lead you out. I didn't even register the fact that you actually replied.

I zoomed through the corridors as I made my way towards the exit. I could sense you following me. You kept with me as I flew past fork-in-the-road after fork-in-the-road. You've become so strong, Fox.

Finally, we broke through. The dull Venom sunlight slowly begun to illuminate our path until we finally reached the exit. I knew you had made it out and felt a sense of utter completion. You called out my name, but I knew there was nothing I could do. You were quickly surrounded by calls of "Are you okay?" and joy of you completing your mission. I knew it was over. We had won. You had done it. I just smiled invisibly. You had done it, and you knew that I was there to help you in any way you needed it.

I can't even put to words how proud I am of you. For what a strong person that you've become. For being able to overcome everything that came at you. For being able to face the day again even after all that you've gone through. You make me so proud to be your father.

I just want you to know that I am always here for you, Fox. Always. Don't think I'm gone for a second. I am always here to help you, to support you, to hold you up when you need it. I will never leave your side for a moment. Never.

Know that I love you and that we will both see each other again one day. Until that day comes, just know that I'm always by your side and am never going to leave.

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Well, there it is. I listened to the Godspeed OC Remix of the Corniera Theme on repeat all while writing this. I guess it provided the right atmosphere. Well, I hope you liked it and feel free to leave your thoughts, good or bad, in the comments. And, it'd be…nice…if you…*ahem* read my other stories, too…*ahem*…

Thanks a lot for reading!


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